Reflections of a king. My King.

Still a bloody love story. I will never forget. Not once, not ever.

I was praying to You this morning as I do. Ministering to Your heart. I could feel this agitating weight, suffocating this question. The trick of this world wanting me to second guess my worth and value. I do not exactly fit in. I shouldn't.

How this world tries to change all Your original designs, to make them main something? How it tries to shape us even down to our personalities, character, and looks. Desperately daily is forcing these lies down our throats. The revelation. A clanking drill that insists identity must be drawn from "us" "them" the already known world? From these places that can be controlled and predicted?

These places that are tangible. Places that are easy. Places that look good in magazines. The question hovers. Do you not know how big our hatred is? Don't you know your options are limited because our mass hatred and egos couldn't really handle you being you. It would inspire such hatred and we could not really handle that. This hatred would destroy much good. This is Your value and worth. I have calculated and have discovered you are in a deficit. A misfit indeed. You must now make your existence up to "us" for the rest of your life?

Now I must consider these things when considering myself, I know both you and I are OK with this. We have found the value in this original design and now I know to love these things. Love them so much because anything else is heartbreak.

I thought about time and how easy it is to slip into this movement that just floods over knocking us out at the knees. If we allow it, we are consumed through this whirlwind we go. This illusion of control and value. We say the most disturbing things and boast in our flesh. This world at large tends to devalue the very thing they claim to believe is so important. No one really believes in much. It is mostly lies. Mass weapons of deception cycling through the gears. Moving at a pace that never stops even when we want it to. The objective is simple that we will become so exhausted we will give in to these stupid cheap lies.

Selling our worth like Gomer.

I was reminded of times that have passed and how I and everyone under appreciate You. All Your messages, what they mean, what they are there for, and what they do. To think upon these things.

I am thankful. I would say many of us have missed it. Maybe because we wanted to. I thought of all the things You have already done as a whole and then through my life. How You chose a vessel like this to do Your will. You chose me. I know I have preached some great things that have come from You, short (well not all short) yet everlasting. I will never forget.

How we run from thing to thing. We are taught to believe it is our culture. We are never truly satisfied; there is always more and in a dangerous way.

I suppose that is true there is more in a You way. A never exhausting You way. I am aware of the fact that I can never exhaust You at all, especially with wonder and seeking. Desiring to know You this is Your great pleasure. Knowing You is never ending impossible to put in a box or to incarcerate with laser beams. Our minimal understanding is not optional, it's true. We are not collections of snapshots filtered by selfishness and hatred.

To feel, see, and hear the disgusting gag worthy indoctrination of the world at this time is repulsive. The fear of You and the lens we try to force You under. Our fear and addiction to fast food Grace. We want and want and never get. We consume and then forget about the entire event. So, we can do it again.

A grave evil that has tried to normalize itself. We know it too; we try to pretend we are in this state of denial until further notice. Deep down inside we know and some of our consciences are seared right up. We have paid the ultimate price for it.

We have failed and are terrified of its messy stain on our pristine matte finished lives. Failure terrifies, what would people think?

Now we attempt to normalize certain types of fear. The depravity of men and the reprobate mind.

Utterly debased Romans 1 life every day. Trying to sell itself to the elect and anything else that will allow this death into the heart to rot and decay our bones inside out. The morgue a corpse?

So many unspeakable wonders, things I am so thankful for. Forgive me sincerely for all the ways I overlook Your works and all the marvelous ways You do what it is You do. Like no one else of course! Who else is like You?! How You have moved in my life! So much so that the world envies You. I do not however, I love You.

How You are a great King. My King.

No other.

Jesus Christ Forevermore

~ A woman in scarf and sheet