A Royal Wedding Arranged in Heaven Notes

Thank you does not suffice.

First of all, thank you for loving me being this part of You. A part of something that is of the light.

Thank you for healing my leg I love when You touch my body in the utmost loving divine loving way. I love when You meet a need I didn't ask for.

To answered prayers but sometimes You give me things. You give me things I did not know I could have, things I would be unable to fathom, to even ask for.

It was quite the tumble. Still the clumsy one of us two. You are pure perfection. It still makes my knees shake.

Thank you for convicting me of my sin. Your convictions break my heart. How You just know everything. It is funny how blind we can be isn't it? To our own sin. Even from the ones we love most in the world. The One I love most above all things.

I am so sorry.

Last night I woke up You tried to touch me, and I resisted with this odd sort of gesture of body speaking to You. I caught myself pulling away when You were coming close. You have the key to my heart the only one. There are no copies.

I have a "resolute trust in You."

Nothing could convince me else wise. Its real it's, love. Not just any love it is tested love. Our love is not just ordinary. It's not everyone's but it does affect everyone.

I asked You to come close to me, but I responded contrary to my request. I held my love from You. Yes, I did, not even because I really wanted to. It all started to flood in, and I started to question how often I actually do this to You? I resist You in intimate moments in small ways. The worst part is that I don't notice!

I shrug it off.

I started and then You started to bring things to my remembrance of times past that we shared. Your thoughts. It triggered this conviction which is good because your kindness leads me to repentance.

You know when your relationship gets hit hard with so many situations. The relationship itself suffers, it is directly hit, with problems all at once hard too. As strong as it is we cannot act like it never happened. We have to start evaluating the order of importance in our life together of every single breath it can seem. What are we going to do first maybe not so much the whys. This one doesn't even matter.

Suddenly with time it becomes something that has been put in between You and me.

We both can see it there. The love is different perhaps stronger. We know whatever is in between needs to go, a returning place to a new type of intimacy. We have this grace and covering we grant because we both know "stuff" is going on around us even to us. Not that the relationship cannot handle "stuff". That's not the problem.

It's a form of love we extended special graces or allow one person to get away with something that we not have easily overlooked given other tides of relationship and the life we share. We both are dealing with other things. It is not ok.

It became some sort of strange compromise or even better a jump reflex to functioning. I needed something and You were willing to meet my need.

I slowly started to use my resist. Maybe I forgot what it felt like to be close and intimate. The way we are I left this place in my own way. A resist to intimacy! Some of my most obnoxious no's. I felt uncomfortable here, a way I have never felt uncomfortable here.

Here in Your presence is where I want to be though. To abide in oneness.

I am really not being loving to You am I? You try to help me and I resist You. I want to tell You all the reasons why. But I know that You know the answers. You always do that is why You came. You are willing waiting to tell me to share. I see this. You came for blessing, You want to bless me. Can I touch do You mind? Right there or how about right here?

I have to put this stiff aside, it is very true I have to remove all this stuff in between us..

I confess I am helpless to it without You. It brings me to tears, because it is true. It makes me love You even more. When I come to the end of myself, and You give me faith. You breathe heaven on me. My portion.

The answer is I need You more than I need air. If I had to choose, I would pick You. In a split second I would grab for You. Your Spirit, Your Word, Your love, Your worship. Its always You.

You're so faithful to me one of the many reasons why I love You. I have no need to look elsewhere. You are my provision. I want You to know that it is true. I know You want me to say it to You.

My teacher. I love that about You. It is not always about knowing the right answer, because You do. Its more about love. It's about me saying what I mean from my beautiful prayerful mouth. You never presume me You are a gentleman, always asking. You're right there helping me always and You just know how to love me. There is a way that You know.

Thank you for respecting my peculiar meekness. You want me to tell what I am thinking and further what I am going to do about it. To help me to govern the second place of decision.

I know when I start to question that. I have to start to question myself. I may have to repeat the things to myself.

You impregnated me with Your Holy Spirit in the name of Jesus. You awakened me Your beloved under the apple tree where Your mother conceived You. That kind of love before the foundation of the world You know me. You are just showing me now how much so.

As a woman of God, I love this. As You make me brave. You make me courageous. Me laying on Your strength. On the rainy day it is always there. I sang it last night. I have a plan for You, it's going to be good, it is going to be wild; it is going to be for Me. You have this plan for my life. I love how You will not allow me to live beneath that beautiful plan the vision. Not any day, You will pull it out of me. You challenge me every time. I admit it.

Even now in my situation You're challenging me because You know me.

To our love.

Abba, Jesus, Holy Spirit

Still in love. How could I not be. Look at You.