In It But Not Of It

I woke up this morning understanding exactly who I am. I woke up different than I did yesterday, and my world is still together. I did not feel chained to my alarm clock as it went off at 4:30 a.m. I did not feel my value was based on this void I was trying to fill with productivity, and the illusion of being busy. I was nursing a wound that I was trying to compensate for with metrics of activity.

The rhythm in the earth that is pulling at me to campaign to be understood by things that I despise, that You hate. It's wickedness sin that is felt through the earth, in between cherished moments of silence. It rocks away like a pendulum.

This rhythm is anything but ordinary. It is unmistakable that something has taken place, it is anything but trivial. It tries to hide itself, but do hurricanes hide? Are natural disasters easily dismissed? We can see the wreckage serving as reminder of a type of ruin out of our control happened right around us. To us.

If by God's mercy I managed to survive such destruction I will forever remember it's weight that was too enormous to cast aside. That passed over me.

I know in other places in the world people are having coffee with a table and chairs, and some have felt the pain of these things being taken away. To part with things that gave us comfort.

I have accepted the fact that just like a hurricane not all things are meant to be understood. I took the volcanic pressure trying to lie to me and tell me the world must understand me. I put it right under the light of the promises, blessings, and faithfulness only found in the Word of God.

The words I uttered until they took root in my heart. Jesus told me this would happen to His beloved children, it happened to Him first. The quest of fully knowing I am living breathing in this world, but I am not of it.

I am not supposed to feel a pull on my heartstrings. To play a harlot to the world. I am not supposed to feel the pressure of being a 36-year-old woman trying to ask something that is broken to give me anything that truly sustains my heart and soul.

The created and the Creator, I was made for the Divine, the good stuff that comes right from heaven. The honey to my soul.

The world is full of gall, it feeds on it and it seems to spread rapidly more than I appreciate.

Dropping my own need to be understood by others and moving in what You have for me. Identity sure anchored in your love and promises. What is in a time such as this to be Truly Yours unashamed of Your name unashamed of the gospel Jesus Christ.

Jesus Christ Forevermore

~A woman who said no to death somewhere.