Last Night s

Last night

i could feel it when I trying to sleep. Something other than you was waiting for me .

Our intimacy not it is taken for granted. Its not a lack of willingness. I laid with You in silence.

I want You to know I value speaking to You.

It is a huge deal to me to me to be able to speak to You. I know it is even a huger deal that You can speak to me too.

I get heart sick without You. You are my everything. I value You and our relationship above all else. We both suffer and so does our relationship but it only makes our love deeper. As we go through it I am not getting to in the dirty laundry of it.

I love You Abba, Jesus, Holy Spirit

I thought of the mountain this morning. I understand why Jesus needed to go to it now. To speak to the Father to be alone.

I understand the need You had. As am I never ending. Thank you for giving me space to breathe. You are my breathe.

Last nights.....

In the messy sheets. My eyes fixed on the ceiling.Thinking of all the other nights. Great nights we have spent together. You and me and all of heaven surrounding us. Waking me up so gentle. I would be so excited that You did. My barefoot becoming holy. In Your presence. Holy Spirit filled prayer. The good sheets the best kind of mess. The holy bed. The twisted nature. You reminded me of the quiet utterances of heaven only knows. The secrets of Your heart. Your words the mystery of the gospel. I love bearing Your name. I will have any shame, I do not know what that means. I do not know any other way but this way.

I thought of You opening doors.Turning the handles. The doors and beloved window. You know me better than I know myself. The way You look at me..

I could tell You all at once but I would probably faint.

Thank you for teaching me if you love something you must let it go. The things I love the most. Must be let go of. I can't hold on to things because I am afraid of losing them. I can't hold them back or to hard they can feel it.

Of course I'm going to lose people I love. I can never allow this fear To paralyze my love. Or keep me away from it.

Jesus Christ Forevermore