The Reality of Fragility

I was thinking about this deeply with the Lord the other day.

Living a life led and guided by the Holy Spirit that is our calling, and walking through the infinite difficulties that come along with the application of this. Walking in line with the Holy Spirit.

I can find myself in these moments of power with the Holy Spirit moving mountains, and those are amazing and I love everything that you Holy Spirit choose to manifest through me, don't get me wrong. However, exists within me are the many colors of the manifestation of the Holy Spirit a stronger movement of your force. It is clothed in this glorious garment of true humility, and this garment hangs deep into my heart.

Some of the most powerful intense moments I have ever experienced with you Holy Spirit were captured in moments I was not sure I was going to make it. I mean I was not sure! I had to truly exchange every thought and idea I had about myself and others. I had to surrender all things flesh, everything but my birth name.

I was forced to truly abandon everything I thought I knew, especially about myself. The result becoming truly humble before the LORD. This will not happen overnight and will continue to grow as I walk life on earth out.

Thankfully in that, I have found how much of a liar this world is and so am I! and so is my flesh! My flesh is such a liar! Busted BIG TIME!

We live in this constant swing on this divine pendulum of walking in the Holy Spirit, contending with our flesh man. On the daily, moment to moment, and there is some REAL LIFE LIKE NOPE NOT OKAY MOMENTS.

Being consistently present is more difficult than I ever perceived or can understand fully, laying down one's self. It isn't my nature. I am a foolish relic. I know it. To be present accepting what that looks like to do something foreign to myself.

It is a challenge, and like any good fight, it is exhausting.

I can relate to the Apostle Pauls agony all through Romans when he talks about the flesh. In some sense even when we know things in our head and even in our hearts it's not an automatic gear shift.

We will not and cannot escape the fight of beating the crap out of our flesh every day to lay hold of what we know to be true and righteous by faith. Believing God at His beautiful words, and abandoning everything else that rises against His words in any way.

Truly walking with Jesus Christ is not easy, learning to allow me to be transformed not conformed to first ourselves and second this world. All the ego and lust self-made stuff.

It takes a certain audacity to walk in true faith, it is contrary to everything around us. This entire world, other people, ourselves, and culture. To give Him the glory, to live for Jesus.

So what is it then? I am coming to the conclusion that in this life with Jesus Christ experiencing the suffering of this struggle and learning to detest our flesh is a part we must just accept. It never ends. Some days we win and some days we are rendered helpless. Or maybe the truth is we are always helpless we just do not grasp it fully on the norm. What is a man that the LORD is mindful of him?

Accepting our own weakness feebleness, helplessness to save ourselves. To even save humanity we can save nothing, our hope is only in the Power of the Holy Spirit to use us to change, to not give up. Knowing the testing of our faith teaches us patience.

And maybe that until we shed this sack of meat of a body we will never truly be ONE with Abba, Jesus, Holy Spirit. This revelation leads me to only desire to be closer to God, I hate sin and just my sin nature as a human being, it is what keeps me away from my King.

I truly want to live in radical faith that sin and death have no dominion over me. To walk in that glory. Anything less is an insult to Jesus Christ and His sacrifice.

Frustrating right? I think we all have some intense seasons of becoming more aware of this. To live is having another part of myself die! Living in that place of accepting my own fragility, for me it simply makes me desire Jesus Christ more. Like I need JESUS!! Knowing I am nothing aside from Jesus Christ. Nothing has any meaning without Jesus in the center.

We are nothing but an extension of His mercy. Every single thing the good, bad He is in control, not us. I know we often get stuck thinking we are really in control and the enemy likes to play it up. The truth is Jesus is and is always on His throne, our Father sits far above it all. He knows all sees all nothing is out of His control.

I heard this somewhere all eagles have seasons of renewal, I think this is what makes them these extraordinary creatures that we can just marvel at. I love how the eagle has a season of shedding and regrowth. It literally sheds its entire outer layers; feathers, beak, and claws. They then hide away up high as they shed these old worn out layers. I imagine it is quite painful.

However, this season does not imply that they're not eagles anymore!! It means they needed their recalibration and have worn out what the Lord gave them to use, which I think is a good thing. After I heard this I understood my own humanity with clarity. It hit me. The most beautiful part to me is that other eagles undertake and understand this process as a part of life, and actually, come in to support the eagle undergoing this passage of life.

You will notice I said other eagles understand this for the hearing ear.

The other eagles will bring food in this restoration to sustain their fellow eagle. Eagles know other eagles and eagles are warriors. They bring food not condemnation, now imagine if as human beings and brothers and sisters we did that for each other? They know instinctively, that their brother will soon return to the frontlines and fight again stronger and better. They don't sit in their nests and talk smack, they know the call. Warriors know warriors it is like a special unspoken language we have.

Instead of ripping each other apart when we see our brethren shedding off some overdue worn out layers, why can't we love? We are called to love and cover each others nakedness and understand these essentials of Jesus in our lives. Somehow we don't, but we can.

Ahhh yes the flesh may we learn to become lay down lovers of Jesus Christ, to live and be led by the Holy Spirit. May we also understand God is not partial to any of us, he loves all of us His children. He loves us all the same and expresses how He pleases for His good pleasure for His praise and Glory.

May peace, love, and grace abound to all those who love our Lord Jesus Christ in sincerity. May my peace and blessing be upon you.

Father in the name of Jesus,

I love you and your fresh winds Father. I pray Father that you will give each of us those moments of learning and teachable spirits. Father, I pray we would remember we are forever students of you and this never ends, to have grace for ourselves and others. Father, I pray that by your Holy Spirit you give us all extra portions of grace with ourselves and others, especially in the area of learning. I thank you Holy Spirit that you are an amazing teacher and you never make me feel like a dummy or stupid when you teach me, you are so understanding, patient, and loving. You do not teach as the world does and I sincerely am thankful for you Holy Spirit for always being my cheerleader, and biggest fan. I cannot live apart from you Holy Spirit. I pray we all model this to each other in love, mercy, and grace. May we all be filled with the fullness of God and His love. I bless you, my King.

In the name of the KING of KINGS and LORD of LORDS

Jesus Christ

Now and forevermore my beautiful King

Amen & Amen

~A woman who is very human