New York

Abba, Jesus, Holy Spirit

It is New York city and You and me and a blog I started about you. I found myself staring out looking at NYC with all the airplanes and the big city buildings. I found myself thinking about You and greatness in the realest of circumstances.

To not just think about You in my head but to know that I know that I know with an unwavering faith that You are inevitably realer than anything in front of me. Even the Sun and the great sky are more pale reflections compared to You. These rock concrete truths. All these things being at Your mercy including me. Eye heart New York! I was reflecting I had put together a design years ago. I wish I had a camera or do I? To You and to life together forever.

Second note

I talked about my brokenness on Sunday briefly. I related it to a type of third world poverty. Like real broke. I know I have always considered and reconsidered what I exactly classify as lack or brokenness when I squeeze it down in my mind.

I actually do have bills that i need to pay and I have yet to pay them. I have been there before and it is not completely foreign. I guess life costs us doesn't it. They are piling up however, I do not feel the stress of any it.

When I am in need I am reminding myself to be super thankful. In my heart that You know is true. Things I take for granted. I know you are always teaching me to practice this in truth in and out of all seasons until I achieve or receive freedom. The freedom I should have in this area of my life or a portion of acceptance. The acceptance that is required to move forward. It can be a paralyzing thing can't it? When we allow it to move us or keep us. Or even my "broke ness" as a excuse to not live out the true gospel of Jesus Christ. When I....got...When I see...Then I will.....Then I can....

Faith sounds and groans inside of me. It's not always true. I remember the kind of provision that was right one the dollar paired with faith. Working together. I got exactly what I needed and that was the point. The experience the uncomfortable feeling of just making it. All in all, it was a true blessing that required great faith in an area of my faith. To receive in faith, I had to act on it. "Broke ness" does not truly define us nor does wealth. Contrary to our cultural standards and beliefs. It is a different kind of pain or lack depending on what side you are on.

So what I am learning about my "broke ness"? In the middle of it? Some times I forget about it. I can't feel it as rigidly as I once did. The weightlessness. I have my moments of where I could use more things. Small things but it no longer pains me. I said once people in third world country photographs look so beautiful to me. They did not look poor to me at all! They actually had a glow about them a lushness that I didn't see everyday. They were filled with joy. I don't compare but they looked free as opposed to some of the aching stressful agony that some wealthy people experience. Not all wealthy people are stressed out. I know this is another stereotype which I generally try to steer clear of. But there is a liberty that maybe they don't experience as easily as some of these photos of people from other parts of the massive world. With all the information and facts I couldn't believe it was true.

How could I say that I am free when I didn't look like this morning. My own free world "broke ness". I look way rougher. Seriously ashy some days. I do my best but without the sunshine intake, I am a withering frizzy haired vitamin d deficient. So what I am doing and what are they doing? We shouldn't compare poverties perhaps a form of folly. It's not permanent. Ideally I don't think it is. I do think it is important to understand it deeper. It's an ancient condition of humanity. You can also bless us to be poor. Maybe not as popular I know it is something without a point of reference until you experience difference. It comes alive when we are introduced or receive a exposure that points vividly to my poorness.

Jesus Christ Forevermore